27 January 2014
These past couple of months I have found much strength and motivation through studying, pondering and praying about the scriptures. For the past couple of weeks I have felt that my testimony has been very low.. as in the lowest it has ever been in my entire life. I felt like I was literally being ripped apart and torn and stepped upon by a greater power that I had within myself. I felt low and useless. Coming to this realization made me feel a bit more depressed because I am a “missionary”, I am supposed to have the spirit with me, my testimony is supposed to grow, I am supposed to change into a better person…. I have come to a conclusion that this is the process that I have to take so that I can be reshaped and refined so that I can carry on His work and do His will. Today I was able to restart the Book of Mormon again and in my studies a specific sentence stood out to me: “Let us go up, the Lord is able to deliver us”. I also have been reading some articles on the pioneers and we know that the plains they crossed were flat but at the very end, after enduring so much, they had to climb a mountain in order to reach the valley. I realized that I have been “walking across the plains” I have been putting forth good effort. I am moving and accomplishing much good. But now I find myself near the end and in order to get to the end, I must climb a mountain. I must give more… Now is not the time to rest from our labors, we need to be more diligent in the work and move forward. We need to “go up”.. we need to climb the mountain. More is being expected now and we must put forth our efforts and show Him that we are willing to do His work. There is more to do and we have to continue. I know that if we do, we will reach the top. We will find rest, and many blessings will await us there. If we continue the Lord will be with us. He will bless us, He will “deliver” us.
I love you all,